This is a transcript of the original video available on YouTube: 3rd Monthly Q&A Session – May 20th, 2022
Jetsunma on The Heroic Heart
The Thirty-Seven Practices of a Bodhisattva is a very traditional text on Lojong, or Mind Training, which has commentaries by many wonderful lamas, including Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche and others. So my book, The Heroic Heart, is like a teaspoon compared with the ocean.
Nonetheless, The Heroic Heart is an easy read, which hopefully has real direction for our everyday life. The thing about the Lojong teachings is that they are not necessarily high philosophy or very profound Dzogchen teachings. The Lojong teachings are basically about how to take what happens to us in our daily life, especially difficulties we regard as being an obstacle or an excuse not to practise, and recognising that those are the practice. That’s it. It’s easy to be lovely when everybody is lovable. The challenge is to keep our equanimity and our good heart when people are really very difficult.
These teachings on Lojong are timeless. They’re not something which were very relevant in the 12th century, but in modern day life are useless and irrelevant. On the contrary, never were they more needed than in the difficult times which we’re all facing nowadays. Samsara carries on. These teachings are about how to deal skilfully with living in samsara and how to transform samsara into a Pure Land — not by outwardly changing anything, but by inwardly changing.
DGL: “What is the correct nutrition and food according to the Buddhadharma?”
JTP: Actually speaking, traditionally, there are no particular food restrictions in Buddhism. The Buddha and his disciples were monastics. They went on alms rounds, where they received and ate whatever was placed in their begging bowl. They couldn’t say to their patrons, “Excuse me, I’m wheat intolerant; could you please give me something else?” Whatever was placed in their begging bowl, that’s what they ate.
There were three restrictions: you shouldn’t kill an animal for meat, you shouldn’t ask someone else to kill it for you, and you shouldn’t accept any meat if you suspect the animal was killed just for you. If all those three criteria were realized, then you could eat. However, many of the Mahayana sutras forbid eating meat, often along with garlic and onions. The latter is a Brahmin influence.
However, if you are not on alms rounds just eating whatever is given to you, you’re likely choosing what you eat; in that case, when you consider the sufferings of the animals who are raised and killed for food, naturally, one would assume compassion will arise. I imagine along with the compassion, the desire to distance yourself from anything to do with the suffering of these innocent animals, and the whole industry behind it, would also arise. It’s not just one animal there. There’s this whole vast network based on the meat industry that treats the animals poorly.
Nowadays, it’s very easy to be a vegetarian and even a vegan. So unless you happen to be a monastic who is on an alms round and is therefore being non-discriminating, in general it doesn’t seem to me that there’s any excuse anymore for eating meat. Certainly for those of us who live in India, as it’s the vegetarian capital of the world. Elsewhere as well, there are so many incredibly delicious alternatives to meat that really one doesn’t even notice the difference.
I think especially if one is on the Mahayana path, but for any Buddhist who says, “May all beings be well and happy, may all beings be free from suffering,” then from our side, the very least we can do is to start with our diet. We can make sure that it causes no harm to anyone, including the butchers, because all the people in the meat industry are likewise making terrible karma. It’s not good for them either, what to speak of for the animals. So all around it’s not good.
As Buddhists, we always pray, “May all beings be well and happy,” not just human beings. Therefore, a vegetarian diet is very suitable. All living beings want happiness and wish to avoid suffering. Even insects, birds and fish, what to speak of animals — all beings want happiness. Nobody wishes to suffer. We do suffer, but we wish we didn’t. So even if we don’t help beings, the least we can do is to not harm them.
One interesting thing to point out is that the nunneries were among the foremost in the Tibetan community — which is very carnivorous — to choose to have a vegetarian diet. They were not forced to do that. They themselves stepped forward and said that they would prefer to be vegetarian.
DGL: “I’ve been practising Buddhism for a year and I see great improvements in my thoughts and attention. However, confusion and frustration also arise, which seem stronger than when I did not practise at all. Is this normal?”
JTP: Be reassured. This really is perfectly normal. There’s a lot of mud, and when one tries to practise a lot it gets all stirred up. Sometimes the lake seems nice, quiet and calm. Sometimes it seems even more turbid than usual. This is perfectly natural. Just keep on practising. Don’t give up. Just keep on practising, allow these difficult things to come, and have faith in the natural clarity of our consciousness. Underneath it all, everything is perfectly okay. It might not seem like that, especially when we are churned up, but actually, the nature of water is clear. The nature of our consciousness is effortless, luminous clarity. Be assured of that.
Along with that, we should recognise that we are not our thoughts and feelings. We normally identify with them, and this causes a lot of our problems. We think this is me: I am angry. I am this. I am that. But actually speaking, behind all that, something else much more profound is going on. So don’t worry.
A good part of impermanence is that things do pass. It’s not always the same. Let these thoughts and feelings arise, recognise them, and just let them pass. Don’t identify with them. Don’t grasp at these thoughts and feelings as something more real. They are just thoughts and feelings. They are just black clouds. They are not the sky.
It takes time to tame and purify the mind. We all imagine that once we have the basic techniques, it’s just going to happen immediately. But it doesn’t; our habits run very deep in our psyche. It takes a lot of time, faith and effort to transform. However, as we always say, these are not the Nature of the Mind. These habits, which we have learned and deeply established, are not inherent to our true nature. So they can be removed. It might take time, but they can go.
Our conceptual mind is like a turbulent river, and we’re accustomed to getting swept along by its current — this is the problem. This mind is like a wild horse. We’re holding on to the reins, but the horse is galloping away wherever it wants to go. We are not in control of the horse. What we need to do is to tame that horse. We need to make that horse amenable to training, and then train it, so that even though it keeps its energy, it doesn’t just run out of control, taking us with it.
Basically, have patience and perseverance. Every time we fall flat down, stand up again and don’t give up hope. Know that our essential nature is completely pure, is love, is compassion, is wisdom. We just have to recognise that and then stabilize that understanding of our true nature. Then, stop identifying with everything which is not our true nature.
So, keep going. One year, that’s nothing. Come on. A few hundred lifetimes. Just keep going.
DGL: “Traditional Tibetan society relies heavily on astrology for everyday life. Should we take into account auspicious or inauspicious days before engaging in practice? Should astrology inform our spiritual endeavours on a regular basis?”
JTP: Traditional societies everywhere in general rely on astrology — in the West, in Asia, in Africa — wherever you go. However, honestly and truthfully, I don’t think the Buddha carried an astrological chart around with him in his begging bowl, nor did Milarepa have one hidden up in some chink in his caves. So we can manage without them, in other words.
Sometimes, it’s nice. It’s nice to carry out a special function on a designated auspicious day, and to commemorate special days in the Buddhist calendar, such as Vesak, Lhabab Duchen and so forth. It’s nice. Everybody comes together. They all do these special rituals and ceremonies at an auspicious time, and everybody feels joyful. I mean, this is good. No harm.
But in general, if we are aware, and if we do try to develop a loving heart, then every day is an auspicious day. If we’re cultivating our loving kindness and we’re really trying to bring the Dharma into our everyday life, then whatever comes to us, we can respond skilfully. That’s auspicious. It doesn’t all have to be on designated days.
“This day is a bad day.” So the whole of the world is going to have a bad day? It’s unlikely, right? But on certain auspicious days when a large percentage of the population comes together to celebrate, that makes it an auspicious day. So like that. I mean, don’t rule your life by it, but it’s nice sometimes just to celebrate and know that so many other people are celebrating with you. You know, that’s good.
DGL: Beautiful, Jetsunma-la. Very practical and relevant to the topic of our session.
JTP: All the astrologers will be very upset.
DGL: Perhaps. But still, it’s very practical.
“If even after years of dedication we don’t see any results to our meditation, should we give it all up and engage in social work instead?”
JTP: When I read that question, I immediately thought of the well-known story of Asanga and Maitreya. For those of you who don’t know the story, I think it’s very apt.
Asanga, who was a great scholar, and one of the founders of the Chittamatra tradition, was in a cave meditating away for six years on Maitreya Buddha, the coming Buddha. He didn’t get even so much as an auspicious dream. Nothing. So he gave up. He thought to himself: This is just a waste of time. So he gave up and he went out.
Leaving his cave, Asanga saw someone who had a big rock casting a shadow on his house and was rubbing the rock away. Asanga said, “What are you doing?” The man said, “Well, this rock is blocking the sun from my house. So I’m rubbing it away so eventually it will come down and then the sun will get in.”
Asanga thought: What a waste of time. Well, if he can spend so much energy on something so futile, what to speak of me meditating on Maitreya? So he went back again for another three years. Still absolutely nothing happened. So then he left again. He said to himself: This really is useless. Nine years and not even an auspicious sign.
He went off and found a man with a big lump of iron. He was also wearing it away. Asanga asked the man, “What are you doing?” He said “I’m trying to make a needle. I need to sew up my clothing, and I don’t have a needle. There’s this big lump of iron. I’m going to keep rubbing it until it forms a needle.”
So again, Asanga thought: Oh, you know, what a waste of energy on something so completely useless. So what can I say about myself? So he went back again for another three years. So now it was 12 years. Still nothing. So then he went off again.
This time, after coming out of the cave, he saw this poor dog, this poor bitch, with her stomach completely open, and all her guts coming out and putrid, full of flies, all these grubs eating her. He felt so sorry for her lying there. He thought: Well, if I pick them up with my finger, I’ll hurt the grubs. So maybe it’s better if I lick them gently, and then I can spit them out in a safe place. That way I help the dog and I won’t hurt the grubs.
She stank like anything. So he knelt down, closed his eyes, stuck his tongue out, moving closer, closer… until suddenly he hit the ground. Then he opened his eyes, and there was Maitreya, standing in front of him. Asanga said, “Well, you took your time! Now I’ve been doing 12 years of practice and where were you?”
Maitreya said, “I’ve been here the whole time, since you began. But because of your impure perception, you couldn’t see me. Then, because of all your practice through the years, gradually you wore away your impure perception, until finally, you could see me as a putrid dog. Then, your great compassion cleared away the last of the veils obscuring your perception; now you can see me as I really am.”
Asanga looked a bit dubious. Maitreya said, “Okay, put me on your shoulder and take me into the village and ask the people what they see on your shoulder.” So he places Maitreya on his shoulder, goes into the village and asks the people, “What do I have on my shoulder?”
Everybody said, “You don’t have anything on your shoulder.”
Then, finally, one old woman whose obscurations were not so thick said, “You’ve got a mangy old dog on your shoulder.”
And then Asanga realized, yes, it was true.
The buddhas and bodhisattvas are always there. We just don’t see. And we won’t see if we don’t keep practising. So don’t give up. Keep practising.
DGL: Brilliant piece of advice, Jetsunma-la, thank you.
JTP: I mean, to return to the original question, social service is also good. Nothing against social service, right?
DGL: One can do both, perhaps.
JTP: And so do both.
DGL: Nowadays, there’s so much about socially engaged Buddhism.
JTP: It’s good. I mean, Buddhists tended to be a little un-socially engaged, sitting on their carpets thinking: May all beings be well and happy. But not really going out to do much about it. It’s good to have a balance between meditation practice and actively benefitting other beings. It’s not like it’s either one or the other. It should be both and.
DGL: “Is it okay to avoid people who trigger negative emotions, or is this considered escaping? Should we engage with this difficulty, no matter how it impacts us? What is the correct application of the practice of Patience?”
JTP: All the Lojong texts, the teachings on Mind Training, specifically deal with our interactions, especially with difficult people. In brief, we could consider difficult people as giving us the opportunity to cultivate important qualities such as patience, forbearance and compassion, as well as learning to be more aware of the negative emotions as they arise. Those negative emotions don’t arise when we’re in pleasing company. They tend to come up when we’re in company which is displeasing to us.
It doesn’t mean that we have to go out looking for difficult people. If we, as human beings and not great Mahabodhisattvas, are really endlessly surrounded by difficult people and circumstances, then certainly we should try to alleviate that challenging situation. But from time to time, it’s really important that we understand where we are at, realistically, by dealing with people who are a problem for us. I mean, how can we learn how to face our negative emotions and overcome them if we are never in a situation which gives rise to these negative emotions?
Ram Dass said, “If you think you’re enlightened, then go and spend a week back with your family.” I think that’s very true. Probably the hardest place for anyone to practise is at home with your family, who perhaps don’t appreciate how “spiritual” you are.
I often say that it’s like a gymnasium. If we go to a gymnasium, we go in order to work on challenging machines. The easy ones will not affect any change. If we want to get strong, we have to push ourselves. We see all these people with sweat pouring down their faces, huffing and puffing. They keep going because they know that this is a great workout. So maybe difficult family members are our workout for this lifetime. They’re the ones who are going to really teach us most how to cultivate these qualities. Therefore, we should be grateful: You know, you’re very difficult. Thank you so much.
But of course, we must use common sense. If continually being with unsympathetic people in difficult circumstances begins to wear us down and we become very stressed, then we need a change. We need to find good friends and a conducive atmosphere in which to flourish. The Buddha always stressed the importance of good friends and good companionship — people who share our values. Not necessarily Buddhists, but anybody who has a good heart, who brings out the best in us just by their own example. That’s also very important.
Unless we’re very strong, these texts don’t mean we always have to be with people who are difficult. But at the same time, we shouldn’t always avoid them either, because actually that’s where we are really going to hone our spiritual muscles. Don’t be afraid of facing up to challenging situations.
DGL: Very good reminder. Just like any training, right? We need to be aware of where we are and then do what we can.
JTP: Buddhism always talks about practice. This is what it all is. It’s a practice. It’s a life practice. Just as if we are learning any skill, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. But we don’t give up. We just keep going, until finally it becomes effortless because now we have become really proficient. But to get there takes a lot of work.
Even the greatest musicians or painters still have to practise again and again and again to keep their skills honed. What to speak of our own inner transformation; how difficult, lifetime after lifetime after lifetime of getting it wrong. And now we’re trying to learn how to be more skilful.
It’s not easy. We do fall flat on our face, but that doesn’t matter. We stand up again and keep walking. The only tragedy is when we say, “No, I can’t do it.” If we give up then it’s all lost. We can all do it; we can all cultivate qualities like patience and compassion, because they are our essential nature. So just keep going.
DGL: “How do we slow down in our daily lives where everything is so busy?”
JTP: That’s the point, isn’t it? Modern life is on the fast drive. The sad thing is, it’s not really more efficient just because of that. Everybody’s running, running, running. It’s like those rodents on a wheel. You’re just endlessly scrambling, scrambling, scrambling, until you fall off, completely exhausted or dead, and you haven’t gotten anywhere. Not really.
This is why big organisations like Google and so forth sponsor mindfulness retreats for their employees. It’s not for the sake of the liberation of those poor employees — it’s to keep them from burning out and reduce their stress levels while they’re still on the wheel. We should think about this.
During the day, just step back, relax, take a few deep breaths and bring yourselves back into the present moment. When you move, when you walk, whatever you are doing, try to move a little bit more slowly. You’re not in a Vipassana Retreat, so you don’t need to move so slowly, noticing every motion of the mind and body. In that kind of retreat, you’re encouraged to make mental notes of your initial impulse to move and then each aspect of moving. For example, when walking, you internally note: Intending, intending, raising, raising, moving, moving, down, down. You don’t have to do this in everyday life. But still, move more consciously.
Normally, if we’re walking from here to there, we are thinking all sorts of thoughts which have nothing to do with the body. We are cut off from our body from the head down. So, to bring our mind and our attention back, take time to centre our attention and cultivate awareness in our daily life. When we speak, talk more carefully. People come to see me every day, and they talk so fast. Slow down; take time to listen.
For each one of us, only we can bring more awareness and clarity into our lives. It’s up to us. No one can do it for us. This doesn’t take time. It just takes attention, awareness and being more conscious. Actually if we are more conscious, we are more efficient. We don’t make mistakes. We don’t forget things. We’re not trying to do ten things at the same time. Whatever we are doing, we do with our full attention. Then, the mind doesn’t get so exhausted.
I’m a bad example of this, so I’m talking to myself here. Just give attention to what we’re doing in that moment. I read an article on this subject in The Economist magazine. It wasn’t a Buddhist magazine – it was The Economist. They were saying that multitasking is so bad for the brain; our brain is not intended to multitask. When we try to do many things at the same time, we get very stressed out. We get burned out. We don’t pay enough attention. We make mistakes. We do not reach those levels of consciousness from which genuine creativity can arise.
When we multitask, our brain activity is just routine. It’s nothing original, nothing more meaningful than the surface of the mind, which is where we mostly are stuck. Then, we end up being completely stressed and inefficient. We break down. We get angry, frustrated and depressed — and we’re not in any way more efficient. Let’s not go that way. Let’s go the way of being more careful and clear.
Whatever we are doing, we give our attention, even if it’s for two minutes. At least during that time, we are not getting caught up endlessly in thoughts of the past or in fantasies about the future, and we’re not revolving around the present. We’re not chattering away to ourselves like crazy, comparing and criticizing. When we’re not present, we’re not really seeing what’s actually happening — we are just seeing the old stuff, which is what our brain churns out for us.
Let’s learn how to be more clear, more aware and more present, whatever we’re doing. Actually, when we do this, things get done just the same. Yet at the end of it all, we feel that sense of spaciousness, instead of feeling claustrophobic and exhausted. This is the training. We have to train the mind.
As the Buddha said:
Let the wise man tame his mind.
A well-tamed mind brings happiness.
So why not have a happy mind?
DGL: Thank you so much, Jetsunma-la. Allow me to ask a small follow-up on this one. You mentioned being aware and attentive when we talk; you have a lot of experience listening. I imagine listening well also has to do with being aware and attentive, but can you give us some tips about being a good listener?
JTP: Interestingly, part of being a good listener is also about being a good speaker. It reminds me of something a Jesuit priest, Anthony de Melo, who had obviously done a lot of Vipassana and Mindfulness courses, brought into his teachings. He said, “When you speak, imagine yourself behind yourself listening.”
Often when people are arguing, they say, “But I only said…” However, it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it. Normally, we are not even conscious of what our voice sounds like, let alone our tone. When somebody plays a recording of our voice, most people don’t recognise it as ourselves. We don’t even know what we sound like. So he said that it’s very skilful to step back as if you were somebody else listening to not just the words, but the tone of your voice.
In arguments, we often don’t really open to and listen to the other side because we’re too busy trying to prove our point of view. So to be skilful in speech, listen to yourself – not just the words you say, but also the tone you use, and how much space you give for the other person to speak. Notice how much you actually listen to what that other person is saying. In our social context, the whole practice of skilful speech and skilful listening is really important indeed.
DGL: Once again, this shows us that it’s good to be around people in order to practise.
JTP: Yes. Good people, who say the things we want to hear, as well as people who say the things we don’t want to hear. We take everything — all of it — onto the path.
DGL: “What methods can we use off the cushion to help us maintain loving awareness throughout the day?”
JTP: I would say just do it. People are always wanting the perfect technique that somehow or other is going to solve all our problems. But there is no perfect technique. There is being aware or not being aware. As Mingyur Rinpoche says, “Either we’re lost or we’re not lost.” That’s the point.
Normally, we are very comfortable being distracted. Our minds zoom off into the past, thinking about people and situations. These thoughts bring us joy, they bring us anger, they bring us despair, but it’s always about something which happened before. Then we have all these plans, ideas and fantasies about the future, what might happen. But we give so little attention to right now, the moment here in front of us.
It’s up to us, isn’t it? Either we’re mindful or we’re not mindful, it seems to me. So if, for example, we feel agitated, then bring the attention to the breath, which is so simple. It’s not high philosophy. It’s not the ultimate Dzogchen view. It’s just breathing and knowing we’re breathing. It brings us back. It brings us back to right here and now.
Be more conscious of our movement. The Buddha said we should be more attentive to how we walk, how we stand, how we sit and how we lie down. We should know what we’re doing as we’re doing it. When he walks, he knows he is walking. Sitting, he knows he is sitting. There’s always this sense of being present.
This is a very skilful way to bring our mind back into the present moment: just sit and be conscious of sitting. What does it feel like? Notice your feet on the ground, the bottom on the chair, the back straight or not straight, and any aches and pains. Normally we blot those out from our consciousness. So we bring ourselves back.
Our mad monkey mind resists being tamed. It likes jumping all over, grabbing what it can and messing around. It does not want to be tamed. It resists being tamed. But once it is quietened down, it’s a happy little monkey. It’s still a monkey. We haven’t gone beyond monkey mind, but at least it’s a happy, pleasant little monkey. It’s not fighting, running around and never still for a minute. It’s a quiet, contemplative little monkey.
We just have to make the determination that we are going to really try to be more conscious, aware and mindful. As much as we can remember, we will bring our mind back to the present moment. We go off, and we bring it back. Then we go off, and we bring it back.
Those so inclined could also recite a mantra. Om Mani Padme Hum is very useful because it is short, easy to say, and is the mantra of The Bodhisattva of Compassion. It is also very powerful because compassion is very powerful. We should not dismiss that as not important. Although it’s so common, this mantra has a great inner power; people find, to their surprise, just how potent it can be.
Especially if we’re feeling very agitated, anxious or upset for whatever reason, inside our mind and then gradually inside our heart, recite silently, “Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum.” It’s a very powerful mantra. Gradually, the mantra will evoke deep silence, presence and spaciousness within the mind. We will recognise that we are not our thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings arise, but we know that they are not me and they are not mine. We are not embedded in them because we’re centred in the sound of the mantra.
But each one of us has to decide ourselves that we’ve given up on this nonsense. We ourselves have to recognise that our mind is out of control — it’s a stupid monkey, it’s not bright — and take the strong determination that we are going to tame it. We’re done with all the distraction, following the whims of the mind. It’s enough. We’ve had enough now. Let’s work with a kindly heart at becoming the lords of our own heart instead of the servants.
We all have lots and lots to do. Nobody can say that there’s nothing to do. On the ultimate level, there is nothing to do, but on the other hand if you don’t do anything, nothing is going to happen. The transformation is within. The path to that is laid down so clearly in all these texts, books and teachings that we know. We all know what to do — the problem is we don’t really do it. So we need to get moving.
DGL: The next question is very similar to the previous one, but I’ll ask anyway in case there’s anything you’d like to add:
“Do you have any tips on how to integrate intensive formal sitting meditation practice into daily life?”
JTP: The key is always mindfulness. What can you say? As the Buddha taught, focusing on our breath can be a uniting factor, a good way of developing mindfulness. Normally, we’re not even aware that we’re breathing. We breathe in, we breathe out, and we don’t even know. We’re totally unaware.
We cannot breathe in the past or the future. We can only breathe now — this is why the Buddha recommended focusing on the breath as a very skilful way to bring our mind into the present moment and not flying off in all directions. Inwardly we are so distracted, and this is the problem.
First, we learn how to be conscious of the breath and develop our ability to be aware. Then, we turn that awareness back on the thoughts themselves, allowing the thoughts to flow. The fact that we can be conscious of the thoughts shows that we are not the thoughts; otherwise we couldn’t be conscious. We need to develop this sense of inner space and awareness so that we recognise that we have thoughts and we have emotions, but we are not these thoughts and emotions. This is so important to understand.
Neuroscience nowadays is getting very exciting in that it is exploring the nature of consciousness. Before, it avoided consciousness. You would say anything about consciousness to a neuroscience scientist and they would jump and say, “That’s the elephant in the living room; we don’t talk about consciousness.”
Now, they are investigating consciousness. It’s so exciting; they’ve recognised that consciousness is not the brain. It is not created by the brain. The brain is more likely created by consciousness. All living beings on this planet and throughout the universe share consciousness. The ultimate nature of consciousness is immortal, is deathless. This is all from a neuroscientist; I couldn’t believe it. I mean, extraordinary.
So, that’s what we have to recognise — our consciousness. We must not be so bedazzled by the fabrication of the brain. The brain is very useful; we’ve got to live, so we need it. But it is not our true nature. The only way we can discover our true nature is by observing the mind, and coming more and more into contact with the depths of our own pure consciousness, which is very exciting. Meditation is about recognising the nature of our consciousness. It’s not just about making us feel happy.
DGL: “How can I remember my vows during my work hours? I work in a very challenging place. Everybody complains and gossips. I feel sad and reprimand myself when I forget to pause and practice kindness .”
JTP: This is all revolving around the same thing. Really and truly, the only answer is to become more aware. During our formal practice, we sit and cultivate the ability to become more aware. Then, we take that state of mind, that more clear consciousness, into our daily life. Otherwise, there’s no point.
Then, we can cultivate compassion and empathy, in your case, for your colleagues. If your colleagues are filled with negative feelings, then the important point is not to plug into that negative energy. Recognise how sad it is that they are living in this state of mind. This will give rise to compassion for their situation. Don’t join them. Then, think of something positive to contribute and thereby maybe change the atmosphere. If the atmosphere is poison, don’t add more poison — offer up an antidote. It’s up to us to cultivate more awareness and more kindness. That’s the practice. No one can do it for us.
We have to become more conscious and open our heart to become more kind. Nobody can give that to us. We have to evoke and cultivate these qualities from within ourselves. We are all habituated to negative thinking, which gives rise to negative speech and negative actions. Only our awareness and determination can cut through this negativity. Otherwise, it just carries on and on and on.
Back to neuroscience, it tells us about all these neuropathways in the brain. The old neuropathways are our habitual patterns. We have to create new neuropathways. What better opportunity than in a situation which is asking you to go the usual old way. Then we can say to ourselves:
No. No, I’m not going that way. I can see this just makes these people unhappy and negative and angry. I’ve done that one. It doesn’t work. Let’s go a different way now. We’re going to tread a different path.
Instead of fuelling the negativity of the situation, bring in something cheerful, something positive. You don’t have to be Pollyanna, but it doesn’t hurt to say something nice, or funny, which maybe makes people laugh, or at least smile. Or maybe share something from the news which is actually good, something that opens the heart. We don’t have to contribute to negativity. That’s our choice, and it’s a bad choice.
I’m sure that if any of us try to change the energy by being friendly and kind, gradually people will come to appreciate that. The energy in the office does begin to shift. After all, we’re all human beings. Everybody wants happiness. Nobody really wants to be miserable, grumpy and negative. So why do we allow ourselves to be like that? It doesn’t bring us any satisfaction, and makes us difficult for other people. Your colleagues and your workplace is a wonderful opportunity for practice. Even if nothing does change, you’ve changed, because you’re no longer feeding into that negativity.
DGL: I think that you’ve mostly answered the next question, but if there’s anything that you want to add, please do:
“What kind of practices can we do when we’re going through day-to-day life and are not sitting in formal meditation on the cushion?”
JTP: Again and again, please be more mindful, aware, present and kind. We can bring these qualities to anything and everything we do: when we are at work, when we’re walking, on the bus, talking, cooking and so forth. Bring attention to the present activity as much as we can, without judgments and without inner commentary; just be aware and conscious of what we’re doing while we’re doing it.
If we could just learn to be more conscious and more kind, this would be a totally different planet. Along with mindfulness, recognise that every single being we meet wants happiness and does not want to suffer. Not just human beings, but all sentient beings — animals, birds, fish, insects, flies, etc. — they all want to feel okay, and don’t want to be hurt.
Or, if you’re into Tantra, then you can also see yourself as the deity. You can see yourself as Avalokiteshvara, Tara, Hayagriva, Yamantaka or any other deity. It’s not that you are Tara and everyone else is just a grubby old sentient being. All beings are Tara. All beings are Avalokiteshvara. We recognise every being’s innate Buddha Nature. We recognise our own innate Buddha Nature. This practice is called having the Pride of the Deity. Then, all sounds that we hear are mantra, and all thoughts which arise in the mind are just a play of the deity’s wisdom. If you’re into Tantra, that’s how you practise. It’s not just a matter of how many mantras you’ve recited. It’s a matter of that sense of inner dignity of the deity.
DGL: The same person continues with a question that perhaps a lot of people trying to meditate in cities can relate to:
“What do you do if you live in a very busy and noisy environment and it is distracting during formal meditation?”
JTP: If you’re in a very noisy atmosphere, then you can meditate on sound. You can make the sound itself the object of meditation. When we meditate on sound, we’re not seeing noise as an obstacle, but as the focal point of our awareness. In that case, we don’t judge it as being nice or nasty. We don’t even try to even identify it. We don’t apply labels to it. We just know the sound with a sense of inner relaxed clarity. We sit there and allow the sound to manifest and depart. We connect to that sense of flow.
Then, we don’t get caught up in the sound and it’s not a problem. We just hear sound as sound. If it happens to be a pop song, we don’t sing along with it. We just hear it as pure sound. That can become a very profound meditation actually, and the sound is no longer regarded as an obstacle to our practice.
Placing our attention on the sound, without grasping or rejecting any particular sound, becomes a practice. Again, this is a matter of taking everything onto the path, not rejecting anything or thinking that we can only practise in some ideal circumstances; we take what we regard as obstacles and we make them our practice. This is a skilful way of opening up to reality, rather than trying to make reality the way we want it to be.
DGL: “Is it possible to go too deep in meditation? I get scared that I will get stuck there. Time disappears.”
JTP: In general, it’s not possible to go too deep into meditation. We always re-emerge, don’t worry. We have to allow ourselves to enter into deeper levels of consciousness which are beyond thought.
It’s only the ego that is afraid, because these states are beyond the ego. In those deeper states, there is no fear, but before you enter and relax into the deeper states, the ego is screaming because to the ego this is death. But in fact, this is the entry into a much deeper level of consciousness, so don’t worry. It’s a good thing.
DGL: “How is it possible to practise equanimity both in daily life and meditation?”
JTP: By relaxing. Relaxation is so important in meditation; we shouldn’t tense up and force. Genuine meditation, which connects us with our innate equanimity, comes from relaxing and becoming aware of our thoughts and our emotions without attachment or rejection.
The Buddha said that grasping is the cause of our dukkha, of our suffering. He meant that we grasp at all the stimuli which come in through our senses. Everything we experience immediately evokes a sense of pleasure or pain in the brain. Normally, we immediately grasp at pleasure and we reject the unpleasant. For example, we tend to hold onto feelings like clarity and bliss, which we experience as pleasant, and reject strong negative emotions like fear or anger, which we consider to be unpleasant. We’re not even conscious of our initial feelings, let alone our reactions to them.
If you think of the mind like an ocean, then normally, we are all on the surface of the ocean. We’re all tossed about by the waves. The waves go up, the waves go down, and with them, we go up and down. Sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down. Up and down, up and down. It goes on like this.
The ability to be aware, which is the essence of the Dharma, is like a boat. The boat glides over the waves. It’s not submerged in the waves. We’re not tossed up and down. The boat may go slightly up and down, but we are not completely immersed in the waves.
We gain the ability to ride the waves of samsara instead of being totally tossed up and down endlessly by our inner feelings through meditation. If we’re simply aware of our automatic responses, of the waves, then honestly and truthfully, we do not need to succumb to these habitual patterns. We can simply observe the thoughts and feelings without being pulled in. If when the moment the initial feeling comes up, we are just aware of it without acting on it, then it just passes of its own accord. It’s easier to do this when you’re just sitting and don’t have too much external stimulations. Through this process of relaxing with what is without reacting from our habitual patterns, we access this open, spacious clarity in the mind.
We meditate to recognise this spacious awareness, and then we can gradually bring this equanimity into our daily lives.
DGL: “Being the main caregiver for an old person: How can we maintain our peace of mind when they abuse us or dump all their negativity on us?”
JTP: Honestly, many old people become cantankerous and difficult as they age. They’re frustrated by the increasing old age. Even if they’re healthy, the fear of the approach of death could arise; if they repress this fear it could come out sideways. A lifetime of resentments can come to the surface. By the time somebody is 90, if they haven’t learnt how to deal with life’s frustrations, it’s likely not going to happen. It might happen; you can always learn. But truthfully, it probably won’t.
This is a sad situation, but it’s very common. Some old people grow more loving and appreciative as they get older, and some just don’t. If they have spent much of their life complaining, then when they get old, they’re going to carry on complaining, because that’s the habit they’re in.
We have to recognise that others are not going to change. The only person we can change is ourselves. Note that her attitude is what’s causing her suffering and not the outer circumstances; once we get caught in that kind of attitude, no matter what we have, we will be dissatisfied. How sad.
Since outwardly, they have as much as they could possibly expect, there’s probably not too much you can do to elicit gratitude and to help them lighten their life from within. Therefore, you have to develop a sense of sympathy. Recognise that they are not happy beings. You might think: That’s my mother. She’s not well and happy. I’m sorry for that. I wish she could be well and happy.
You need to accept that this is a very sad situation for them, and also realise that this is not your fault. Don’t take their complaints to heart, and don’t feel guilty. You can say to yourself: Well, I’m doing the best I can. I’m sorry you don’t appreciate it. But nonetheless, may you be well and happy. We give them as much love as we can; whether they accept or reject it is really their problem.
I think we also need a sense of humour. If we take it all too seriously and take her discontent into our heart, it will be very difficult for us. We will not enjoy being with our mother. We will resent that she is not more appreciative of what we’re doing for her. Then, we will feel guilty because we’re not nicer in our heart towards our mothers.
You’re doing your best. Lighten up as much as you can, recognise that this is really a completely ridiculous situation, and then just accept this situation as it is. How sad, she’s not going to change. All you can do is not to take it personally. Because whoever you were, whatever you were doing, would never be enough. How sad — for everybody involved.
Their lack of appreciation is hard, but you have to accept that’s the way they are, stay inwardly cheerful, and pray for their wellbeing. You can also determine that when you get old, you won’t be like that. Make the aspiration that you will be much more grateful and make whoever is caring for you feel good to be taking care of you.
DGL: “By the last day of a silent eight day retreat, my mind was so amazingly spacious. I ended up with a migraine, leaving the retreat with this level of openness. How can we deal skilfully with the transition from retreat mind to worldly mind?”
JTP: If possible, for example on your own retreat, it’s skilful to start a retreat slowly, build up to the main focus, and then gradually loosen the intensity so that the mind is ready to step out of retreat and back into the world. Of course, if you’re in a group retreat it might not be possible. But if you’re doing your own retreat, this is what I recommend.
If you immediately step out into the world outside with this open, spacious mind of retreat without some transition, it’s too much of a shock to the system. If you’re in charge of the retreat, start slowly, build up to a crescendo, and then gradually reduce the intensity so that the difference between retreat consciousness and outside consciousness is not so great. You can do this by gradually decreasing the amount you’re sitting, moving around more, and beginning to interact more with what is happening around you; then the difference between the two states of consciousness are not so extreme. Usually, if you’re doing any kind of extended retreat, you do it in that way, so that you can just flow into the world with more ease.
Our nuns are all about to finish their two-month silent retreat. After a long period practicing in smaller groups, the nuns all come together to read The Perfection of Wisdom Sutra in One Hundred Thousand Lines so that they’re all sitting and reciting together. Then they start cleaning the nunnery, chattering away, because they’ve been kept silent for two months.
DGL: “I’m confused with the sentence, ‘Nothing is right or wrong.’ I have heard it a few times in Dharma talks. What does it actually mean?”
JTP: Basically, the statement that there is no right and wrong is taken from the view of Ultimate Reality. Black clouds and white clouds do not pollute the sky, just like bad thoughts and good thoughts don’t pollute the Ultimate Nature of consciousness. They’re just thoughts.
Nonetheless, from the conventional point of view, where we actually live, we had better carry an umbrella when there are black clouds. In relative reality, we tend to speak and act based on what we think, so it’s important to be aware of what we’re thinking. Since we are still in our dualistic ego consciousness, it’s important to distinguish right actions from wrong. Our karma depends on our intentions, whether they be good or bad. Any actions based on anger, greed, ignorance, jealousy and so forth will plant poisonous karmic seeds, which we will reap as ill fortune in the future. Actions based on generosity, kindness, etc., will plant nutritious karmic seeds, which we will reap as good fortune in the future. This is the basis of all Buddhist ethics.
If we are completely without an ego, then we can do what we like. But if we really are without an ego, then we would never ever do anything which could cause any harm to others, so then our actions naturally would be right. We don’t have to think: Is this the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do? Spontaneously, we would act in a way which would be of benefit to others. Other people would see that skilful, but from our point of egoless, non-dualistic consciousness, it would just be the natural thing to do. In that case, there would be no sense of good and bad, right and wrong. But nonetheless, our actions would never cause any harm to any being consciously.
In the meantime, while we’re all stuck in our egos, whether they be little or big egos, then we have to be careful. Because if we follow the ego, it can lead us down very misleading paths and create a lot of suffering, for ourselves and others.
So for now, there is right and there is wrong. Right is to do that which does not create any harm, and in fact brings joy to others. Wrong is to do anything which causes harm, anything that makes others feel miserable in body, speech or mind.
But from an ultimate point of view, there is no right or wrong. If we look at the vastness of space, where is right and where is wrong?
DGL: That’s a great contemplation for a closing remark. Jetsunma-la, could you please give a dedication of any merit that we’ve created in this session so that it’s more beneficial?
JTP: We can all rejoice together that people are really asking themselves and others, “How can I use my daily life to be of most benefit for myself and for others?”
This is a very important question, which we all need to ask ourselves: how to use our daily life as our spiritual practice, and how to transform and use this life right now, while we still have it, for inner transformation. Outwardly, it might stay the same. Inwardly, we can change. This is a positive aspect of the impermanence that the Buddha taught about. Impermanence is not necessarily a negative thing. It’s good in that we can change.
May the world also learn to grow up, because emotionally, we’re still like little children. You see two year olds — they get what they want and they’re all happy smiles, but they don’t get what they want and they throw a tantrum. We’re so often like that. Outwardly, we might appear very mature. Inwardly, we’re still like naughty little children, totally out of control. So we need to learn how to use our lifetime skilfully to transform our hearts and to transform our minds.
We need to be so grateful to the Buddha because he showed us the path. He didn’t just say be good. He showed us how. He gave techniques, which if we use them, can really transform us. So we should be deeply, deeply grateful, because there are so many different approaches, so many different techniques, and so many different ways of looking at our heart in order to transform it into something beautiful, which is its True Nature.
May all beings be well. Thank you very much, and take care.
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May All Beings Benefit
Sarva Mangalam