This is a transcript of the original video available on YouTube: 2nd Monthly Q&A Session – June 27th, 2022
DGL: Jetsunma-la, you’ve been part of a very historic event in Bhutan recently. Could you tell us what happened and why is it so important for the Tibetan Buddhist monastics?
JTP: We just got back from Bhutan, where his Holiness the Je Khenpo, who is the head of the Central Monastic Body in Bhutan, bestowed the Bhikshuni (full) ordination on 142 very fortunate nuns. This is the first time that full ordination has been given to a group of nuns in the Tibetan tradition (Mulasarvastivada Vinaya). Occasionally in Tibetan history some high lama gave it to one or two women close to him, such as his sister, but never in such a public event.
The King, the Queen Mother and all the Royal Family requested the Je Khenpo to please give full ordination to nuns. We have spent the last 30 or 40 years talking about it; from His Holiness the Dalai Lama to the Karmapa, everybody talks about it. But this was the first time it was actually given, so it was a very auspicious occasion and we are very joyful. Three of our nuns came from Dongyu Gatsal Ling (DGL) Nunnery, and His Holiness the Gyalwang Drukpa (head of the Drukpa Kagyu tradition) sent 21 nuns from Ladakh. It was a very momentous occasion that a high lama of such status finally stepped up and said, “Let’s stop talking about it, let’s just do it.”
The ordination for nuns was never introduced into Tibet, which is why nuns in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition couldn’t take full ordination. In the eighth century when Guru Padmasambhava was in Tibet, the King Trisong Detsen requested Shantarakshita to please introduce the monastic ordination into Tibet. Monks from India came to Tibet to start the monastic ordination, but they forgot to invite any nuns. As a result, full ordination for nuns was never there in the Tibetan tradition and nuns up to now could only receive up to the novice ordination. But now, fortunately, it has been brought back again by His Holiness Je Khenpo and the Central Monastic Body of Bhutan, who fully endorsed the event and were very happy.
DGL: Fantastic, Jetsunma-la. We can all rejoice. As you say, this is such a momentous event in the history of Tibetan Buddhism. May it ripple out into all the lineages and all the parts of the world that seek monastic ordination. May the Four-fold Sangha flourish.
JTP: Indeed.
DGL: “How can I create merit without the anxiety of wanting to achieve the awakened, peaceful mind? How can I practise without expectations that lead me to despair? I fear not progressing on the path, not understanding, and being anchored in conventional reality.”
JTP: My dear, just relax and take one step at a time, okay? Merit just means good karma, which comes from speaking and acting with a positive state of mind. That’s all it is. We create merit when we think, speak and act with positive motivation. This creates positive karma.
We cannot achieve a peaceful mind by being anxious about it. So just relax. Really, just relax. Maintain an open awareness and stay in the present as much as possible, without trying too much. Okay? The tension comes from trying, which is so counterproductive. Moment to moment we just need to be as clear, conscious and kind as we can be. That’s enough.
We are all anchored in conventional reality, unless we are eighth-level bodhisattvas who have had direct experience of emptiness and can remain within that level of realisation. So, since we are in conventional reality, please just cultivate a kind heart towards yourself and others. Be kind to yourself, make friends with yourself, and encourage yourself; that kindness spreads out towards all others, and then moment to moment you are creating merit, which we then share with all beings. So enjoy!
DGL: Thank you, Jetsunma-la, that’s a very good reminder.
“What would you offer as a practice for Dharma followers who were abused by their teachers? How can they forgive their teachers? Can they trust them afterwards and remain their students?”
JTP: Of course this is a very painful subject. I mean, there’s no doubt. If this happens to us, how to deal with it skilfully is the question: how do we take it on the path?
I think we need to appreciate the teachings that have been offered by the Teacher. We can be grateful for all that we have learnt from the Lama. We can recognise what we have learned and understood based on what the Teacher has given to us. We should remember that; we shouldn’t forget it.
But we should also understand that those who have experience, and no doubt some degree of realisation, still have a shadow side. They have unresolved issues like anger, lust, jealousy and so forth. These issues have been suppressed because in their training they are not encouraged to face these issues, to be honest. We should have compassion that they have these unresolved issues that have been pushed to one side.
We can have compassion for those who have to keep up their face. They have to maintain the mask of the “perfect bodhisattva” because all the students expect their Teacher to be completely perfect. In order to keep their students, they have to appear to be completely perfect; at the same time, there’s this unaddressed, suppressed side that can suddenly manifest itself. So this is very sad — for them, for the students and for everybody.
Please understand that even teachers are still struggling on the path. We are supposed to see them as perfect buddhas, but in actual fact, they themselves will say that they’re still walking. Therefore, we should have compassion, but at the same time, we should be cautious with our trust. Whether they are trustworthy or not, we have to see.
As a very high Lama observed to me, sometimes foreigners are too naïve; they believe everything they’re told. I said, “Well, we’re told to believe everything we’re told!” He just laughed and said, “No, no, don’t believe everything you’re told.” This is the fact: we should have devotion, but at the same time, some common sense. If there’s a red light inside, trust in that red warning light. Don’t believe everything that you’re told.
Also, maybe change your Teacher.
DGL: I feel that especially foreigners get very attached to the idea of one teacher, one guru, one lama. We might think: This is the person I have to study with. This is the only person that can teach me. What’s your view on that?
JTP: If you ask the teachers themselves, they all will tell you they had 20 or 30 lamas; one of them said he had 60 lamas. From this larger pool, they’re likely to have a few main teachers, and even more than one Root Guru. Of course, it’s only very high lamas who have so many teachers themselves; most of us wouldn’t have time to go to this many teachings!
As Tibetan Buddhism has spread, especially in the West, it’s become very territorial. Therefore, students are often discouraged from going to meet with other lamas. But in actual fact, we should listen to anybody who has anything to teach us; they are precious. While we have our main practice and our main lineage, we are enriched by hearing other versions, other ways of looking at things, and alternative methods. We shouldn’t be afraid of learning from different approaches. Even while we stay with one particular practice or lineage, we are enhanced by learning from as many authentic teachers as we can.
If for any reason we are deeply disappointed in our own Teacher, then it is fair enough to say, “Thank you very much for everything you taught me, I deeply appreciate it. May you live long. But I’m going to find another Teacher.” That’s okay. That is not breaking samaya. The Lama has broken samaya with you, not the other way around.
DGL: Brilliant, Jetsunma-la. I think hearing this will be beneficial for a lot of people. Something brilliant I’ve heard you say before about this topic is that while the students should have pure perception of the Lama, the Lama should also have pure perception of the students, isn’t it?
JTP: Definitely.
DGL: The next question is a bit more philosophical:
“Can you explain the main differences between Buddha Nature, soul and atman?”
JTP: I am not going to answer this from an especially philosophical point of view in which we always have to prove that we are right and everyone else is wrong.
The Buddha called Ultimate Reality the following: The Unconditioned, The Unborn, The Deathless and Dharmakaya. They are all words that point to something which is beyond words. Buddhists do not have a copyright on Ultimate Reality. Ultimate Reality is just there. What the Buddhists do have is a clear path to the realisation of that reality. Yes, that they do have — a very clear path.
But we all have Buddha Nature, which is the nature of our unborn primordial consciousness, regardless of whether we’re Buddhist or not. That’s who we all really are. This non-dual consciousness is that which connects us with all living beings. It’s all-pervasive, so it’s compared to the space or the sky. It’s not something we can grasp and say, “This is mine.”
The problem with words, like Buddha Nature, soul and atman, is that they tend to give the idea of something which is separate and unique — the ultimate “I”, rather than the whole “I” concept being transcended by the realisation of our innate unity and interdependence. That’s the point.
The idea of a soul is that this is “me”; this is the unique part of me. Whereas in fact, the unique part of me is emptiness and interdependence with all living beings. Words can trap us — that’s the point. But the genuine experience is beyond words. The problem is that we come back and put a label on space. Then we argue and debate about it. But even the great Dzogchen master Karma Chagme says, “Some call it atman, some call it anatman, but it just is what is.” We put all these names on something which is nameless.
DGL: Related to this topic, people might wonder: if there’s no atman or soul, what gets reincarnated? What goes on to the next life?
JTP: Consciousness.
Consciousness is a never-ending stream; it just keeps going, moment to moment. Conceptual consciousness is what takes rebirth, but underlying that, there is non-conceptual consciousness, which is beyond birth and death. The flowing of the conceptual consciousness, with the karma, is still part of samsara. We get reborn again and again because we cling to it and think of it as me and mine. When the ego finally dissolves into the open spaciousness of our empty nature, we are released from samsara; that’s what Liberation is all about.
This reminds me of a conference we went to inKashmir on self and non-self (Buddhism talks about non-self). This Hindu Swami presented the Advaita Vedanta view from his perspective, quoting Nagarjuna extensively. Although Buddhists revere Nagarjuna for expounding Madhyamaka, which essentially argues for non-self through a doctrine of emptiness, this Hindu Swami said Nagarjuna was also the great exponent of the Vedanta; he said that Nagarjuna’s philosophy elucidates Ultimate Truth.
By its very nature, Ultimate Truth is beyond words and beyond concepts. It’s our concepts which trap us.
DGL: “Sometimes people dismiss discussions about the discrimination of women in Buddhism by saying this is a problem of a dualistic mind. Perhaps concepts like men and women have no room in Absolute Reality, but we live in a dualistic world. Do you think this argument is sometimes used to spiritually bypass this and many other problems?”
JTP: Oh absolutely, yes indeed. The patriarchal system in Buddhism, as well as everywhere else, is based on a duality within which we are normally living. So the point is that there are the two truths: the Ultimate Truth (Buddha Nature is beyond gender), and the Relative Truth (in which there are males and females).
I always say it’s like a brick; on an ultimate level, the brick is empty. Even from the point of view of quantum physics, it’s empty energy and space. But if I hit you with that brick, you’re gonna bruise. It doesn’t matter how much you say, “Empty, empty, empty…” you’re still going to get bashed on the head with it. That’s the fact of the matter. There are all these people with their pretentious terminology, but when it comes down to it, there is male, there is female, and there is patriarchy.
But it’s getting better, right? Nowadays, the feminine is more appreciated than it used to be; people at least are talking about it, thinking about it, and having conferences about it. The opportunities that were once enjoyed solely by men are now becoming available for everyone, including females. It is getting better.
Most nuns in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition now have access to the same educational opportunities as the monks and are becoming highly educated. A few of them have also finally received the same level of ordination as the monks historically enjoyed. So, things are better than they were. But nobody is denying that Tibetan Buddhism is patriarchal, hierarchical and medieval; that’s the fact of the matter.
DGL: Bringing it back to the point of the question, I think it is very tricky to detect in oneself if we’re using spirituality as a bypass for something else. Its close brother, spiritual materialism, can also be difficult to catch. Do you have any tips on being able to analyse our own conduct to see if we’re falling into any of these traps of the spiritual path?
JTP: Well, we probably are. Unless we are really beings of incredible wisdom and compassion, we’re bound to be falling flat on our face as we walk across the path. The important thing is that when we fall down, we pick ourselves up again and we keep walking; that’s it. We just have to become more and more aware of the traps along the path and where we can circumvent them. Sometimes we fall straight down into the pit, but we climb out again.
I do think that everybody should recognise that this is a path we’re walking; it’s not a six-lane highway. We are going to come across all sorts of obstructions on the path, but we use those obstructions as the path. In that way we develop our inner understanding and our inner ability to keep going; that’s the most important thing, as well as to cultivate our awareness and kindness, towards ourselves as much as towards everybody else.
If we think we’re never going to be spiritual materialists and we’re never going to fall into these traps, that would be a problem, I think. As long as we’re conscious of these dangers we can be a bit careful, and we can put our spotlight on when it gets a bit dark.
DGL: “Although I have experienced the benefits of Lojong (Mind Training) and have faith in the refuge of the Three Jewels, I sabotage my practice by making excuses before starting. I sense a fear of going deeper into my practice. How can I deal with this and recover the initial enthusiasm?”
JTP: Well, of course this is something which many people come up against. In the beginning, we start with so much enthusiasm. Then, at a certain point, this inner resistance builds up and we find excuses for putting practice off.
I think it’s very important to take refuge in The Three Jewels from the heart. Recognise how incredibly precious they are… really nothing better. I mean, sometimes we get very fed up and we think: Oh, this is too much. Then, we can’t think of anything better to do, so we just keep going.
I would say make a commitment to do a session or two every day. Keep those sessions fairly short and just do them. Try to think of a practice which you enjoy. For example, you could do Shamatha, Vipashyana, Mahamudra, Dzogchen, or Yidam practice. A lot of people enjoy doing Tara practice. Whatever the practice is, keep it fairly short, but do it. Dedicate a specific time, probably early in the morning or in the evening, where you make the commitment to just sit. Even if the mind is monkey mind, it doesn’t matter. You’re sitting, and the motivation is good.
Don’t listen to yourself. When I was doing retreat in the cave, I recognised that in order to keep my body healthy, I had to do yoga. I hate exercise. And I did an hour and a half of yoga every day, no matter what. Even if it was snowing, or the floor was all wet, or it was hot, or cold, I just did it. The one question I did not ask myself was, “Do I feel like doing yoga?” Don’t ever ask yourself, “Do I feel like sitting down and practising?” Just do it! You have a time and you do it; that I would say is the most important thing.
You could also read some inspiring literature, books or just articles, watch inspiring talks online and so on. Remember that all your problems are created by your wild monkey mind and think how wonderful it would be to have a well-tamed mind. The Buddha said:
A well-tamed mind brings happiness.
So there’s nothing more precious in all this world than the Dharma, which helps us tame our mind. Try not to waste this opportunity. You don’t want to look back on your life with regret, seeing that all the factors were there except for your enthusiasm.
Try cultivating this loving awareness throughout the day. Anyone you meet, any opportunity you have, practise this open clarity and good-heartedness towards all beings, including yourself. Then the whole day becomes your Dharma practice, an opportunity for practicing The Six Perfections and for radiating kindness.
This is a common problem, so don’t worry. Often it’s like a car which suddenly stops — if you keep tinkering with it a bit, it will get going again.
DGL: “How do we discern whether a situation calls for an inner change of our own perspective or action to alleviate suffering?”
JTP: If we act with compassion and skilful means to alleviate suffering, then that also transforms our consciousness, so I don’t see a duality here. Inner change and outer action are two sides of the same coin.
DGL: Yes, I agree. Perhaps the person is referring to when there’s a difficult situation and we think it might be best to just look into our own feelings and sensations and do nothing.
JTP: That’s for when you’re angry: rather than giving way to anger because you can’t transform your mind into one of compassion and patience, at least shut up. Don’t do anything until the moment passes and you can get a bit more clarity in the mind.
But otherwise, if you see an opportunity where it is possible to alleviate suffering, then that is motivated by our compassion. The more we are motivated by compassion, the more our mind is transformed. After all, you wouldn’t help anybody unless you felt the need to help them; that is based on your motivation, and presumably your motivation is based on pure empathy.
DGL: “How can we recognise intuitions, often understood as ‘gut feelings,’ and differentiate them from desire? These two states drive us to do something. How can we distinguish whether we are guided by wise intuition or desire? Is desire necessarily negative?”
JTP: Let’s start with the second part of the question. Is desire necessarily negative? There are good desires and negative desires. In fact, I think in Sanskrit and Tibetan they are different words. We only have one word in English. There are the “good desires” to be helpful, kind, generous and so forth. They are aspirations on the path; nothing wrong with that. Negative desires, such as greed and lust, are based on the grasping and clinging of the ego. Those are “bad desires.” Good desires are the opposite; being generous, kind and altruistic.
There’s also desire for spiritual transformation: to increase our love and wisdom in order to help others, and Bodhichitta (the aspiration to attain Enlightenment in order to liberate all beings throughout time and space). This is a big desire! I mean, you can’t think of a bigger desire than to be of benefit for all beings by attaining Enlightenment and then helping them universally, forever. What bigger desire is there?
Regarding genuine intuition, it’s the inner certainty of what to do. It’s beyond doubt. It rises from a deep level of our consciousness. It’s often a wordless knowing; we just know. The usual gut feelings are just the conceptual mind putting two and two together based on our past experience. It’s actually a very different level of consciousness, which is why sometimes it’s okay and sometimes it’s not okay. Sometimes, our so-called “intuition” is true, and sometimes it’s off. But genuine intuition is something beyond words. It doesn’t come very often, but when it comes, there is no doubt. There’s total certainty that this is how it is.
DGL: “Is it okay to avoid people who disturb our mind?”
JTP: We can learn to cultivate our patience, kindness and compassion by being around people who disturb us. How can we cultivate these qualities if we only surround ourselves with people whom we like? It’s easy to be loving to the lovable, but what about the unlovable?
So maybe we need to change our own mindset, rather than worry about the mindset of others, because we will be surrounded at some point by people with different values and perspectives. We will encounter people we consider difficult from our own personal point of view.
Of course, it’s also very good to associate with wise friends, people who share our values and with whom we feel comfortable. The Buddha recommended wise association with good friends very much. But from a spiritual perspective, difficult people are there to help us grow and learn lessons of life. If we only associate with like-minded people it’s very pleasant, but we generally don’t learn too much. So both are good, but basically we have to change our perception and our mindset, not worry about changing the mindset of others.
So if karma has put you in a situation where you’re surrounded by people with whom you don’t feel in sync, then maybe it’s a great learning opportunity to cultivate a good heart towards people whom you find difficult. But having a few like-minded friends with whom you can just relax is also good.
DGL: If I may, I’d like to hijack this question a bit with my personal experience and an inquiry that arises from it. As you know, I just went back home recently after years of being here in this beautiful, wonderful place. I noticed that I hadn’t cultivated patience because I hadn’t been surrounded with difficult people. How can one train one’s mind and cultivate patience if you don’t have difficult people currently in your life? Of course it’s not recommendable to go seek them, but at the same time, if we don’t have those triggers active in our life, how can we cultivate patience?
JTP: Eventually you’re going to find somebody; you don’t have to go and look for difficulties. If you sit there, eventually difficulties will come. You might have a nice little patch of good karma where you are mostly meeting people who are easy to be with, but it doesn’t last.
The important thing is to be on alert for when difficulties do come. Eventually, you’re going to come across people who are annoying, difficult, unsympathetic and so forth. So when that happens, be on alert. Think to yourself:
This is the time for me to practise Lojong (Mind Training). These people are helping me to develop these very important qualities of loving kindness towards those with whom I have a little difficulty. They’re especially helping me to develop patience and empathy.
These qualities are so essential on the path, and without these difficult people, how could we cultivate them? If we never deal with challenges, we would just lull ourselves into thinking: Actually, I’m really a very nice person. So instead of perceiving these people as an obstacle to our practice, the really important thing is to see that they are helping us on the path by giving us an opportunity for practice. These “difficult” people are not in any way being obstructive — they are our spiritual teachers.
DGL: “How has the role of women changed in Buddhism since your conversation with His Holiness the Dalai Lama highlighted in the documentary Cave in the Snow? What work lies ahead in our pursuit of equality?”
JTP: Certainly for nuns in the Tibetan tradition, everything has radically changed in the last 20 years. Now the nuns are usually well educated; they are studying the same texts and undertaking the same practices as the monks. They themselves are becoming teachers and running their own nunneries. The status for nuns has definitely taken a quantum leap.
Also, in lay society women now regularly attend university and undertake very important roles in society. So things have really changed a lot, and they are still improving. There is room for more improvement as always, but nonetheless, things have gotten a lot better.
As I said earlier, the bestowal of the full Bhikshuni ordination for nuns recently in Bhutan is really a huge step forward. It was the one thing that nuns did not have. In the past, they only were able to take novice ordination. They were not part of the Four-fold Sangha: fully ordained monks, fully ordained nuns, laymen and laywomen.
The Buddha described the Four-fold Sangha like a table with four legs, very stable. Since his Enlightenment, the Buddha had envisioned a Four-fold Sangha to carry the Dharma forward. He said that in order to be a Buddhist country, a Dharma country, there needs to be the Four-fold Sangha. From that point of view, Tibet was never a Dharma country because they only had three and a half legs; they didn’t have the four legs, but now they do.
Now, we hope that the stone which the Je Khenpo has thrown into the lake of the Dharma will send out many ripples; the Buddha’s vision will be fulfilled. At the ordination ceremony, one nun said that until now, she had always prayed that in her next lifetime she would come back as a male in order to become a monk and fulfil all the criteria for Enlightenment, including full monasticism. But she said, “Now, I don’t need to come back as a male anymore, because now even as a female, I have all the requirements necessary for Enlightenment in this lifetime.” That’s how the situation is now. It’s getting better.
DGL: Definitely, thanks to you, Jetsunma-la, and of course many others who have been at the forefront of this endeavour. Would you say that now the challenge is for Non-Himalayan monastics in the Tibetan tradition to fully establish the Sangha in their home countries?
JTP: Yes, it’s been very difficult for Non-Himalayan monastics because they come from a completely different background to Himalayan monastics. Himalayan monastics usually start monasticism when they’re very young, often just children or teenagers. Their training starts at a very early age and they gather together as a community to study and practice together.
But most Non-Himalayan monastics start when they’re already very mature; they are often much more highly educated in a different educational system and are more confident, so the traditional form of Tibetan Buddhist monastic training is maybe not so suitable.
People like the Venerable Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron and others have very successfully established a monastic training centre especially for women and nuns in the West. Lay society is very involved, both studying and learning with the nuns and at the same time also supporting the nuns in their own endeavours. This has been very successful, but nonetheless it is relatively unusual.
Most of the foreigners who have been ordained in the Tibetan tradition live fairly isolated lives. They do not live together as a community for various reasons, and often don’t have any training. Women can get ordained today, and tomorrow there they are, without any training at all.
We started an institution called the Alliance of Non-Himalayan Nuns in order to address these problems and give a little bit of support, specifically grants which allow nuns to attend courses and workshops or do short retreats. We know it’s not much but at least it gives some nuns the opportunity to continue to develop themselves without being always concerned about the economic aspect of it.
In March of 2024 we will have a Gathering in which Non-Himalayan nuns from various countries will come together in India to discuss and hopefully give solutions to some of the core issues of monasticism in the modern world. Unfortunately there’s no easy solution to all the problems that modern monastics face but at least it seems like people are open to talk about them and come up with possible solutions.
For those who want to know more about the Alliance:
https://allianceofnonhimalayannuns.org/
DGL: “How can we face our own demons: our fears, worries, etc.? Are they related to our attachment?”
JTP: We allow our various demons, our negative emotions, to arise in our consciousness, without trying to suppress or avoid them. Normally, if we feel fear, anger or jealousy, we think: Oh, I shouldn’t feel like that because I’m a good little Buddhist practitioner. We try to suppress these underlying negative feelings. In this practice, we don’t do that; we allow our afflictive emotions, including fear and anger, to arise in our consciousness. We can sit there, attempting to not suppress, avoid or deny them. We can welcome a difficult feeling and listen to what it’s trying to tell us.
Especially with fear, anger or lust, we can feel what part of the body is reacting to the emotion because we are also very physically connected with our emotional states. Then, relax and send these feelings lots of love. All these feelings are based on our ego, this sense of “I”, whose very nature is attachment; it’s this grasping which causes the problem. However, the ego doesn’t disappear just because we say, “I have no ego.” The Buddha said there is no ego, so there I am, egoless. Who is saying, “I’m egoless,” if not the ego?
But we can sit there with the fear, for example, and ask ourselves, “Who is afraid?” Fear is a very strong feeling. Who is experiencing this feeling? We can ask ourselves with kindness and curiosity, not with a fear of the fear. We can use the very fear as a means of going deeper into our consciousness. Who is experiencing this feeling? Don’t give yourself an answer. Just look inside with that open curiosity. Who is feeling fear? Who is afraid? In this way, we take what looks like an obstacle on the path and it becomes an enormous opportunity for transformation.
Sometimes I tell this story of Milarepa — I think it was Milarepa, it might have been somebody else. He went back to his cave where he was living and practising one day, and there were five demons who growled, “Grrr!” He started using powerful protector mantras, but they just laughed. He thought: Oh, that doesn’t work, alright. Then he sat down and meditated on emptiness: Empty, empty, empty… all the projection of my mind. When he opened his eyes they were just looking at him, “Grrr!”
So then he said, “Okay! You are my guests. You are very welcome. Let’s all just sit down and have a nice cup of tea.” He turned around to start his fire, put his pot on with some water, and started boiling it up for tea. When he turned round, there were the demons, transformed into beautiful local spirits. They said, “We will help you to protect the Dharma. We take refuge in you.”
The point is that if we’re afraid of our fear or if we philosophically try to dissolve the fear, it doesn’t usually work. But by befriending the fear, listening to it, looking into its nature and investigating who is feeling the fear, we can transform the fear, anger and so forth into very powerful enlightened energy, which is the basis behind it all. We have to be skilful.
DGL: “I’m not from a traditional Buddhist country. I’m not sure how to integrate the cultural elements of Buddhism without abandoning my own culture.”
JTP: Buddhism has always adapted to the culture of the countries where it has spread. For example, when it went to China, it became Chinese. The same happened with other countries, resulting in Thai, Japanese, Tibetan Buddhism, etc. On the outside, they look very different, but the essence of the Dharma has stayed extraordinarily constant. I compare it to a vessel which contains a nectar; whether you have a glass or porcelain or jade or gold or plastic vessel changes what it looks like on the outside, but the liquid inside, the nectar of the Dharma, is the same.
Don’t get caught up in the outer show, which just contains the Dharma — this is very important. Wherever the Dharma has gone to, it has adapted itself; it doesn’t expect the culture to change. For example, Indian Buddhism and Chinese Buddhism outwardly look very different. But when you talk about the actual view, practices and understanding, it’s remarkably the same.
In the meantime, I would say just cultivate what the Dharma teaches us. Become more aware, kind, loving and compassionate. See things more clearly, as they are. Be more ethical. Cause no harm to others. None of this has anything to do with culture; it has to do with cultivating our mind, speech and actions.
DGL: “In relation to the Refuge Tree, how can we overcome the resistance that may arise in the face of male predominance?”
JTP: I would say, put more females in there! We can put anything on our Refuge Tree. We can put the 21 Taras, Kuan Yin, other female deities, Machig Labdron, Yeshe Tsogyal, our favourite female teachers, etc. It’s true that the lineage is usually male; we can appreciate these men who have carried the lineage on through all the centuries, and also include as many females as we want. You can put anyone on there; it’s very adaptable. It’s not that we’re antagonistic towards the male representatives. Nonetheless, we can stick all the females on there too. I mean there’s nothing wrong with that at all. There are many female deities, arhati, bodhisattvas and dakinis. Stick them all in there, no problem.
DGL: “I feel despair when I hear about cruelty against animals, sentient beings I consider so sacred. How do you keep your inner balance and compassion towards all?”
JTP: Of course animals suffer, but humans also suffer. We have to accept that we are all the owners of our own karma and we are all trapped in the prison house of samsara, animals and humans alike. Animals can also be very brutal to each other; animals are not sweetness, love and light. They eat each other, the carnivorous ones devouring the others. Many animals live in fear their whole lives of being attacked, not just by humans, but by other animals. We shouldn’t glorify the animal kingdom. This is nature: “Red in tooth and claw,” as they say.
On the other hand, if we are cruel to other beings, then in time, we also will receive the fruit of that action. Isn’t that sad? So fishermen are also the object of compassion, for their negative act of killing, as well as the fish which have been killed. The fish suffered and was killed, but this fisherman is also creating very negative karma such that in the future they might get reborn as a fish.
We’re all embroidered in this; it’s not that animals are innocent and humans are bad. Animals maim and kill each other, and are likewise also caught in this whole cycle of birth and death. When we see someone being cruel to animals, of course we should try to help as much as we can, but humans are also very cruel to humans, and animals are very cruel to animals.
All of us have Buddha Nature, and eventually, all of us will be liberated.
DGL: “How can I overcome the need to be seen and accepted?”
JTP: My feeling is perhaps this person does not really enjoy being themselves. If we don’t accept ourselves, then we feel the need for the approval of others. First, you should make friends with yourself by practising Loving Kindness meditations, first directed towards yourself and then directed towards others. Remember that we all have Buddha Nature.
I think that if you need to be seen and recognised by others, it might be because you’re not really appreciating yourself. If you appreciate and are really good friends with yourself, you would have this inner confidence such that it wouldn’t matter whether other people see you and appreciate you or not. Who cares? When you’re at ease with yourself, you attract the kind of appreciation this person feels is lacking.
Why do you need to be seen and accepted? It’s because you’re not accepting yourself. So start from where you are; the Buddha said that you should start with yourself when you practise Loving Kindness and Compassion meditations. When you make friends with yourself, feeling inner acceptance, balance and peace, that radiates out towards others. You don’t have to seek their approval; they will like you because you appreciate them.
Making friends with ourselves allows us to feel genuine friendship towards others, not just because we want them to like us. Seeking other peoples’ approval is probably counterproductive, so the question starts from the wrong side. But if we accept ourselves and don’t care whether people like and see us or not, and we just like them for themselves, that will create a feeling of harmony and friendship with others.
DGL: Very nice points, Jetsunma-la. What about the other extreme, when we completely ignore or disregard what others have to say because we don’t care about their thoughts in a way that feeds delusion?
JTP: Again, I think this could happen if we don’t have loving kindness towards ourselves and we don’t have loving kindness towards others. The Buddha said that first we make friends with ourselves. Then, we wish well to loved ones, those to whom we are indifferent and those who challenge us. We recognise that all beings want happiness. They might not know how to get it and look in the wrong direction, but basically, all beings want to feel okay.
So we wish for all beings to be well, happy, at ease and peaceful. If we have warmth towards all beings, it’s true that we don’t care what they think about us, but that’s because we’re only interested in our wish for them to be well and happy.
DGL: Thank you, Jetsunma-la, I think it’s very easy to forget that the Loving Kindness practice is at the core of the Buddha’s teachings.
JTP: It was one of the first things the Buddha ever taught. Along with how to make the mind calm and clear, he taught how to cultivate warm feelings towards ourselves and all other beings.
DGL: “What advice do you have for aspiring monastics?”
JTP: First of all, you have to decide which tradition you intend to follow because the situation is very different in the various vehicles (Theravada, Mahayana and Vajrayana). If you’re going to be a Therevadan nun in Thailand, that will be very different from trying to follow the Tibetan tradition in India or in the West.
Second, when foreigners tell me they want to be a monk or a nun, the first thing I always ask is, “How will you support yourself?” This is a very sad comment on the situation, because you’ve left home for homelessness, and then we say, “Well, how are you going to financially survive?” But the fact is that at least in the Tibetan tradition, there is basically no financial support. You’re on your own. Not only is there no financial support for monastics, there are very few places where you can train. Therefore it’s often a very lonely life because you don’t belong anymore to the lay community, but you don’t have a monastic community either. There’s no Four-fold Sangha.
At least in Tibetan tradition, people often think that when they ordain they’re going to become part of the big Tibetan monastic community, but that is not true. They will be isolated, on their own; unless they’re very young and can somehow mix in with the others, but that almost never happens. People who are well-educated and culturally already very established often find it very difficult to try to blend into a Himalayan environment.
Some foreigners are very happy as monastics, especially if they have some financial security. Because… where are you going to live? Who’s going to take care of you? Who’s going to feed you? Who’s going to clothe you? If you want to travel for teachings, who’s going to pay for it? Some people have a certain amount of financial security, which allows them to find a nice little place to practice, and they’re quite happy being by themselves. Nowadays people can also form communities online.
But in general, as I say to our Himalayan nuns here at DGL Nunnery, “Just shaving your head and putting on robes doesn’t make you a monastic. It’s a change in your mindset.” People expect that the minute they put on robes, somehow they’re going to change. But then it’s the same old me, still there, and now the work has to begin. It’s not so easy. Some people find it deeply inspiring and uplifting to be a monastic, and that is wonderful; but I think one should be very conscious of the difficulties, especially in gaining a sense of a monastic community and the necessary monastic training. I’m not trying to discourage people, but they should understand it’s actually not so easy.
DGL: Thank you so much for your time and your energy in answering these questions from people all over the world. Jetsunma-la, do you have any closing remarks, or could you guide us in a dedication of any merit that we’ve created with this session?
JTP: The most important thing which has happened since the last Q&A has been this full ordination for nuns. This is a big step forward for females in the Tibetan tradition, and the Bhutanese tradition, which follows the Tibetan tradition. So I think that we should dedicate all the merit to the rise of the feminine, not just within women but also within men.
May the feminine wisdom within us all rise up, flower and flourish, and may this help the world back onto the path of sanity. Because at the moment, the world is a little bit crazy, and I think that it’s partly because there is too much male energy out there. We need a little bit of a counterbalance; we need male and female energy in harmony. May it be so.
***
May All Beings Benefit
Sarva Mangalam